Sitting in the dark
at 10:06 p.m. on 2004-12-11
The week started out good with the birthday party. A friend got me hammered ( I hate being completely drunk) but it still turned out great. That was the only good thing to come of this week.
I've been so pent up with stress, and with a crappy work week and a family emergency that occured this week it has practically put me over the edge. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
I tried to call my bestfriend but I got no answer. I'm sure she's at work and everyone here at the house is dead asleep. I'm feeling just plain alone, as well as depressed, angery and terrified. I have only been able to force a smile since Thursday.
People ask if I'm ok, but they don't really care. They are praying that I say that I'm fine so they only had to take a few seconds from their life. I can see it in thier faces. I know they only asked because that is what they are supposed to do.
I don't talk about my feelings very often. It's either non of their concern or their burden. I'm a lot stronger and handle more than what I get credit for. I can handle my own. However, I've reached my limit. I'm still human.
One person actually started to get me to try and explain how I was feeling and why I had such a sad expression plastered to my face. Putting emotions into words is extremely difficult for me to do. I only found them with their back turned and walking out the door. I just trailed off mid sentence and gave up. It reminded me why I never really bothered to open up in the first place. I had a tear dangling from my lashes but I refused to let it fall and went on about my buisness.
I'd give anything right now to be around at least one good friend who is willing to lend me a shoulder just as I have done for them so many times before, instead of sitting by myself in the dark like I am.
.:.me.:.
I'm 24 and I oerk for a private ambulance company as an EMT in the city of Vegas
.:.loves.:.
music, storms, reading, paintball, my friends, drawing, concerts, the color purple, and the occasional night out at the club
.:.hates.:.
gossipers, spiders,liars, egomaniacs, and drama
.:.past five.:.
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